After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
