Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
false alarm. still invincible.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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