I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize