New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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