I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
