this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
