I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
