i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
