I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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