I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
