Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
