you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
