i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
