The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
