i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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