Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
