oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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