Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
