butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
