After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
