I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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