Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
