brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
