flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't tell me you're on acid again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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