these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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