Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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