i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
