dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
