Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
