Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
