I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
