I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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