You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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