Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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