If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Everclear isn't food dammit
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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