I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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