Plan B is the new Plan A
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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