At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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