He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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