Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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