oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
