i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize