I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
