So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
