She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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