Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
