I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
