I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
