My sheets look like a crime scene.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
