forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
