i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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