I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
