Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
