my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
