I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
