Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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