hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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