The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize