I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
