he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
