So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
